have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
