Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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