My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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