i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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