So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
