Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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