So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
