It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
