Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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