I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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