She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
