sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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