mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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