The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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