i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
