I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
