Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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