Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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