Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
