I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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