Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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