Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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