I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Floor bacon is actually really good
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
