do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
