Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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