Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
