We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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