Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You just made me feel so damn special
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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