I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
