She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
