Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
