Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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