why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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