where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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