Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
