I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
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