I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Is it because I queefed?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
