And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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