wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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