i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Someone signed my nipple.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
