Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
