me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
