all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
