My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
