just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
