Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
