Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
