So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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