I must be too annoying 4 u.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
