thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
