I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
